Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, isn’t it? Sleigh bells, snowflakes, presents, pantomimes, every child’s dream, right?
So why do so many neurodivergent children find Christmas difficult and why do parents and teachers often notice an increase in challenging behaviours?
The good news is with a few small adjustments, we hope we can take some of the stress out of the season and support everyone so that they can enjoy the parts that matter most.
Reasons Why Christmas Can Be Tricky
Neurodivergent children and adults thrive on routines, clear expectations and predictable situations. That doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy creativity, imagination or the odd surprise, but we need to start from a place of stability.
Routine and predictability support working memory, reduce anxiety and help us concentrate. Christmas, however, is the time of year when everything changes:
- Timetables shift because of extra activities like choir rehearsals and shows
- Lessons move to different rooms
- Lunch menus change
- There are jumper days, parties, fairs, special assemblies
- Children may have to perform lines or songs
- Staff and friends are often off sick and supply teachers step in
At home, decorations go up, parents are stretched and financial pressures may be in the background. Children might feel excited, overwhelmed or both at once, often long before they can express it. Their behaviour usually speaks louder than words.
A Note on Neurodivergent Brains
Neurodivergent children often experience:
- Heightened sensory processing
- Differences in executive function (planning, organising, shifting between tasks)
- Greater reliance on predictability to feel safe
This means that sudden changes, loud environments, unclear expectations or unfamiliar social demands can quickly overwhelm them, especially when several of these happen on the same day, as they often do at Christmas.
Understanding this helps us respond with empathy rather than frustration.
2. Keep Our Bodies Well
We can’t control winter bugs but we can support children’s wellbeing with:
- regular meals
- hydration
- plenty of fruit and veg
- fresh air
- rest
If you’re unsure about vitamins or supplements, speak to a GP or pharmacist first. Every child is different.
Remind children gently about handwashing and cough/sneeze hygiene without creating fear.
3. Prepare for Absences and Changes
Talk openly about the fact that teachers, support staff and friends may be off school. Plan alternatives:
- “If Mrs Jones is away, you can go to Mr Smith.”
- “If your best friend is off, who else could you play with?”
- “If there’s a supply teacher, what helps you feel settled?”
Preparation reduces anxiety dramatically.
4. Visual Schedules and Checklists
Many children benefit from a Christmas wall calendar showing upcoming events. Cross them off as each one is completed.
Useful checklists include:
- Christmas jumper day items
- party clothes
- costume parts
- what to bring each day
- when decorations will go up at home
Find things well in advance to avoid last minute panics if you can’t find a requested item or they’ve had a growth spurt and things don’t fit.
A reminder about jumpers: they don’t need to be woolly, itchy or sparkly! T-shirts, hoodies, and “This is my Christmas jumper” badges all count.
5. Support Sensory Needs
Christmas brings extra noise, lights, smells, and textures.
Consider:
- soft, non-itchy clothing for themed days
- ear defenders for shows or fairs
- sunglasses for bright, flashy decorations
- avoiding strong-scented candles or diffusers
- allowing a child to step out of noisy rooms
- keeping one area of the house low-sensory or decoration-free
A quick sensory toolkit (fidget, chew, small weighted item) can help with regulation.
6. Choose Activities That Work for Your Family
You don’t have to do everything.
Pick a few experiences that matter most to your household and allow siblings to choose different activities if needed.
If school performances or events cause distress, you can request reasonable adjustments. Not every child wants to be on stage. They might prefer:
- making props or doing backstage tasks
- playing music or an instrument offstage instead of speaking
- having their poem read aloud by a member of staff
- helping set up rather than running a stall
- spending time in a quieter room during the fair
Participation doesn’t need to look the same for every child, it can and should be flexible.
7. Boundaries for Busy Events
Parties and fairs often have looser rules. Before events, talk about:
- staying with your grown-up
- using walking feet
- where the quiet space is
- how to ask for a break
Signs of overstimulation include: talking over others, restlessness, flitting between activities, difficulty waiting, frustration, silliness or withdrawing.
Take a break early, it prevents bigger challenges later. Be prepared to leave if it’s all getting too much. Another sibling could go home with a friend’s parent if necessary.
Creating Calm at Home
Think about what genuinely helps your household feel calm. The matching-pyjama, Instagram-perfect Christmas isn’t everyone’s reality, nor does it need to be.
Decorations can go up gradually. You can create a low-decor or decoration-free room as a calm retreat. You can decide as a family which traditions matter and which you’re ready to let go of.
Adults often put immense pressure on themselves to create “magic”, but often the quietest moments are the ones children remember.
Avoid creating Christmas traps by piling on too many ‘non-negotiables’:
Common Christmas Traps:
Some festive traditions start off as lovely ideas but can quickly become overwhelming. A few common ones include:
- elaborate Elf on the Shelf setups
- Christmas Eve boxes
- staying up late and waking up early
- multiple events squeezed into tight schedules
- advent calendars with pockets that need filling every day
(what begins as a fun idea can turn into a daily obligation!) - baking and decorating endless batches of biscuits
- trips to see Santa, photos with Santa, letters to Santa
It’s very easy to feel that you must keep all these things going once you’ve started, but you absolutely don’t.
Streamline wherever you can.
If the advent calendar is the meaningful part, keep it simple; repeated treats, simple notes or even letting it be decorative if that’s easier. If the elf is part of the tradition, he can simply sit beside the Advent calendar most days, saving any ‘big ideas’ for weekends if you enjoy them.
You don’t need to do everything, and you certainly don’t need to do everything every year.
Christmas Morning Without the Meltdown
One of the best pieces of advice we ever received was: don’t let children go downstairs too early. The earlier they start the day, the faster they burn out and the day becomes overwhelming very quickly.
We used to say Santa might still be finishing his journey, so we shouldn’t go downstairs before 7am. It worked brilliantly until the teenage years!
If they wake earlier, encourage quiet play, reading or a calm TV show in their rooms or away from the present zone.
Consider spreading gift-opening throughout the day:
- stockings
- main presents
- gifts from extended family
- adult gifts later
Not every child enjoys opening gifts in front of others. Some prefer to open gifts privately or at their own pace. Some children like to know what they are getting and don’t like wrapped gifts.
Prepare toys in advance where possible (batteries in, plastic ties removed) to reduce frustration.
Know which present is which so that you can offer a low-effort toy while you child is waiting for a more complex gift to be set up.
Christmas Food
Christmas food is often quite different from what we normally eat and many of us feel a huge pressure to produce a traditional feast worthy of our grandparents’ era, even though we now have far busier lives and far more demands on our time. It’s worth asking whether that level of expectation is really necessary, or even helpful.
We should have the Christmas food that we enjoy, at a level that feels manageable. Frozen veg isn’t cheating, nor is shop-bought stuffing, ready-made gravy or a simplified menu. No one will be cheated out of the “full Christmas experience” if you choose an easier option. In fact, a calmer cook often makes for a calmer household.
Christmas meals often look very different from the usual weekly menu, which can be hard for children with limited diets or sensory needs.
And although it’s lovely to offer children new foods to try if they want to, it’s equally fine for them to stick to their safe foods. Reducing stress around mealtimes benefits everyone.
Whatever Christmas looks like in your home, at its heart it’s meant to be a time to slow down, share a meal and enjoy the company of the people who matter to us. The details don’t need to be perfect; it really is the thought that counts.
From all of us here at the Toucan Family, we wish you a happy, healthy and stress-free holiday and we’re sending positive energy for the year ahead.